Things Katie Says

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Katie is my little girl, born in September 2008. She is bright, feisty and a real trooper. She has been through so much, and I admire her tenacity and humour through it all.

I like to keep a record of the funny, sweet and touching things she says to her dad and I. Time goes so fast (and my memory a little faster). So, this is my platform for preserving some of her little gems. To give you an insight into some of the things she says, her biological mom died. Katie’s dad and I got married in March 2015.


Her dad and I had just started seeing each other when we went to the shops. I’d refused to buy her a few things, as her grandparents, aunts and uncles had all recently spoilt her with presents. She turned to Jordy (7 yrs), and said, “She’s supposed to be making me like her.”

“You need that lipgloss for your kissy business.”

“You guys are in love. I know cos you had your heads together.”

Gives me the “Mommy to Be” sash that her biological mom wore at her baby shower. “Just cos you didn’t born me doesn’t mean you aren’t going to be my mommy.”

K: You should go to Oakhill.
Me: Why?
K: They’ll teach you how to speak Afrikaans there. I’ll lend you my uniform.

“Why did they have to break your neck?” (looking at my thyroid scar)

Me: I’m going to bite your bum!
K: Are you crazy? Do you know when last I washed that thing?

Putting her to bed:
K: “I get scared in the night, so I’m going to come sleep with you.”
Me: “No, you’re a big girl, you don’t need to be scared.”
K: “EVERYBODY SAYS THAT, but I’m actually really small and really skinny.”

K to me: “You walk like you always need the toilet.”

K: “When I’m older, I’m moving out and you and dad will have to let me go.”
Me: “That’s ok. We’ll probably travel a lot once you’re married.”
K: “…Well, could you arrange for me to come with?”

K: “Please don’t let dad plan my wedding. He’ll only let me have healthy food.”

I had just come from the hairdresser. She takes one look at my hair and says, “But, did you want it to look like a tornado?”

“Your cooking is good, but you’re not MasterChef.”

“Minecraft is my future.”

K: “Mommy!!!! I have a surprise for you!!!!”
Me: “What is it???”
K: “…well, maybe you won’t like it…”
Me: “What is it???”
K: “…and it’s probably not going to surprise you…”
Me: …
K: “…it’s my poop.”

I’m doing her shoelaces up quickly so she can go to school, she watches on and says, “You’re like a Ninja Mom.”

I’m cleaning the stove. “Ahhh, poor mommy. Always cleaning.” – This is funny because it is NOT TRUE.

“Daddy, did you like the poses I did for your wedding photographs? Cos I’m planning to do more of those while you’re on holiday.”

“My reading is getting so good, are you apressed?”

Katie to me, “You make my life so much more specialer”

Besties - Katie and Ruby
Besties – Katie and Ruby

I overhear Katie telling Ruby (her BFF), “You must taste my mom’s eggs. She makes the best eggs.” So, naturally, I make them both eggs for lunch. They chat for a while, then Kates says to me, “MasterChef just hit the bottom and you’re way up here (gestures above her head)”

Katie’s bathing upstairs when, from absolutely nowhere, she yells, “I’m fine! You don’t need to come up here and check on me! You can just stay riiiiight there!” Of course, I ran straight upstairs. Water everywhere, but not quite the emergency I think she had in mind.

Katie kneeling on the ground. I ask her to get a pillow and put it under her knees.
Katie: My little knees can handle it. They’ve been through much more rougher times.

I feel like a handsome man

Mom, can I come up to the bedroom quick? I need to chase my tail up there.

Hi, my woman.

Katie: can I sing you a song about being 40?
Me: um, ok…
Katie: whaaaat will I doooo when I’m 40? Will I just lieeee on the couch and stresssss?
Me: that’s not what happens when you’re 40! Dad is 40 and he doesn’t do that!
Katie: how old are you?
Me: 34
Katie: whaaaaat will I do when I’m 34? Will I waaaaaalk down the streeeeet and say, “hi there, boys”?

Watching a YouTube video with Whitney Houston singing I Will Always Love You in the background. She says, “Mommy, we sing exactly the same!” {They do not}

When I try to get her to concentrate on her homework, “You are so beautiful, kiss me.”

I told Katie that she should share with a girl that is a little mean to her at school, but that always shares her tuck money with Kates. She started stroking my face and said calmly, “Shhh mom, do you hear the outside noises?” Her distraction skills are being refined.

“I love you mom. And it’s not just about the hot chocolate.”

“My ears are masters of disguise.”

K: you did the right thing by my family.
Me: what do you mean?
K: you married my dad!

K: Mom, do you like what I made on MineCraft?
Me: No. I don’t like it. I love it.
K: That was weird. I just asked if you like it. Are you going back to having some quality time on your computer?

K: I love you so much, my eyes could just pop out of my head.

I’m busy writing  content for a craft brewery in Mpumalanga, and she is waiting for me to finish so that we can go down to the river. She says, “Just write that they have nice beers. Also, they make beers in their shop.”

Katie bumps herself, I ask if she’s ok. “Yes, it’s just a cute amount of sore.”

K: This bum is not for smacking! It is for being adored!

K: My other mom had to give birth to me, and this mom gets to have all the fun.

K: “No mom, I promise you; the later you put me to bed, the more awake I feel in the morning. For real life.”

K: “If dad died, and you were a frog, who would you lay eggs with?”

Katie’s iPad froze on MineCraft, so I caught her yelling at Siri to “turn it off, we have to go!”

She’s ‘writing a website on kitesurfing’ (I write and her dad kitesurfs), so I suggested she say, “kitesurfing makes you look sexy”. She rolled her eyes and said, “This isn’t about dad!”

K: Mom, has anyone told you today that you’re the best mom?
Me: Not today, no.
K: Ok, well, you are.
Me: Shall I let you know if no-one tells me tomorrow either?
K: *Sigh* I’m going to have to do this every day.


To me: Ah, my big girl.

Snuggling up to me on the couch, knowing I’m hot: Mom, this is just going to be how you live your life now.

I’d agreed to have a date with Katie at 5pm.
Katie: it’s nearly 5 ‘o clock! Do you have your party pants on?

Katie: I’ve decided not to get married.
Me: *launches into a soliloquy about how wonderful it is being married to someone who loves you*
Katie:…it’s just that…how can I look after a family when I can only cook one dish…every single night…the same thing…?

I woke her up from a deep afternoon snooze to go for a walk with me.
Katie: I feel like a jet that was flying high in the sky and has just crashed onto erff.

Katie: You know, you didn’t have to buy me these Smarties.
Me: I know I didn’t have to. I bought them for you because I wanted to.
Katie: Well, then you must have a very generous heart.

Katie: I packed tissues in case you sneeze. You can just call me problem fixer Katie.

Katie: I’ve decided not to get married.
Me: *launches into a soliloquy about how wonderful it is being married to someone who loves you*
Katie:…it’s just that…how can I look after a family when I can only cook one dish…every single night…the same thing…?

Me: if you stay positive, you will enjoy life more.
Katie: I’m always positive. I’m positive I’m going to finish this sandwich in four bites.

Katie: What would you say if I took you to your ex-husband?
Me: I don’t really have anything to say to him.
Katie: Why don’t you say, “Why did you atray me? But anyway, I’ve got such a much better life now.”
{She’s not wrong}

Katie: I think Cupcake {her guinea pig} is a stress eater.

Katie: Aunty Heather should’ve called her child Fresh Pierre.
Me: What?! Why?!
Katie: Because then he could open a pizza shop called Fresh Pierre.
Me: that is a terrible name.
Katie: Ok, what about Konrad?

Katie: Can I have warm milk?
Me: We’re going to have supper now. Rather eat and then you can have a hot chocolate afterwards.
Katie: Oh mom. You know me so well.


K: what makes you feel down? I want to sing a song about it.
Me: uhhhh, starving children in Eritrea
K: ok… 🎶🎶Maybe youuuu can just shaaaare a saandwichhhh with theeeem🎶🎶

Me: What was your lowlight of the day?
Katie: *Sigh* We played dodgeball, but it was like the no-rules-no-organisation dodgeball. I was just like, “What are we running from?? Who are we dodging?????”

Ruby: My mom knows the lady that had the biggest baby in George.
Katie: Why’d she do that?
Ruby: Huh?
Katie: Why’d she have such a big baby?
Ruby: I don’t know. Maybe she was actually in Plett.
Katie: Nah, I think she just left him in there for too long.

Katie: My taste bugs are telling me there’s something wrong with this water.

Me: *moves fringe out of Katie’s eyes* Doesn’t that feel better?
Katie. It does. I feel like I’ve come alive.

Katie preparing an Afrikaans mondelling about her best friend, Ruby: does ‘Ruby’ stay the same in Afrikaans or does it change to ‘Wahbah’?

Katie and I Googling fake pictures of sharks.
Katie: mom, we are having a moment.
Me: eh?
Katie: this! Right here! I think this is a moment!

Katie: *licks my shoulder* hmm, you taste like chicken.

I was trying to explain how jealousy can make kids act with anger.
Me: So, remember when Genevieve was sitting on my lap and cuddling me, how did you feel?
Katie: Ohh myy gooodnesss! I just wanted to say to her, “Listen here! There’s a boundary! And you’re crossing it! Look! Here it is! And you’re over it!”

Katie: *dancing and swinging her arms wildly in the shopping centre*
Me: don’t you mind that we’re in public and this is what you look like? *checks that no-one is watching and then dances and flails like she did*
Katie: Nope, I’d be more embarrassed if I wasn’t having fun. And I like the new you.

Ruby: where’s the Milky Way?
Katie: you just go straight and then turn right

I’m looking after a baby bird.
Katie: What does this really mean? How does this bird change your life?
Me: Eh?
K: Your life plans!

Katie: Argh, so-and-so says my expression irritates her. Does this look like a rude expression?
*puts the boredest face imaginable on*
Me: I don’t know. Is that how you usually look at her?
Katie: She just has a sensitive humour.

Katie, to a friend in the park: Every Friday, my mom and I go on a date. I sometimes get chocolate cake and I can talk about my feelings. It’s like I have my own therapist!

Me, teasingly: Ah, dad’s so cute. I just want to kafoefle with him.
K: I’m getting the kafoefle out of here.

Funny things my child says
Queen of Table Mountain



Katie: I expected more excitement from shopping for my stationery. I was like, “I need mom here. Dad doesn’t have that glitch of power energy surge when he buys stationery.”
I didn’t know I got power energy surges.
Ido (dad) comes home and finds stockings with a label “Girls’ tights”  on the kitchen counter.
Ido: Are these for me? (joking)
Katie: Sure, Idobella.


The air-freshener makes a pssst sound and she and I both immediately look at it.

Katie: We’re like cats following the red dot.

Katie’s friend: I spy with my little eye something that is white.
Katie: is it the very tips of my mom’s hair?


Katie: They’re doing auditions for the choir tomorrow. So, I’m going to pretend to sing really badly.
Me: Like how?
Katie *sings REALLY badly*
Me: I think that’ll work! I think they’ll tell you never to sing again.
K: They’ll probably tell me that the only way I’ll ever have friends or walk down that aisle holding that bouquet is if I never sing again.

*Listening to music in the car*
Katie: *pretends to be steering, but wildly*
Me: Are you pretending that you’re also driving?
Katie: Yep. You’d be dead by now.
Me: Hahaha.
Katie: Or, maybe just wishing you were.

Katie: I want my hair as short as a good Christian woman is allowed to have it.

Me: *driving when someone pulls in front of me and literally drives 30km/h* Wow, old lady. You really can’t drive.
Katie: That’s what I love about you, mom. You’re so honest and you don’t hold back. You made sure to tell her she was old and she couldn’t drive.

Katie: Can you choose to have someone kill you legally?
Me: Yes, in some countries. It’s called euthanasia. It’s for people that are suffering really badly with an illness and aren’t going to live long, but are in loads of pain.
Katie: So, when the doctor takes you out to shoot you, does he…
Me: *dies laughing*